Sometimes I wonder what happens when you choose to love the life you chose for yourself. Are there moments where you’re wishing for the other life that you didn’t choose? Are you in the land of what ifs? Does it make me too much of a dreamer if I’m always wondering what could’ve been? Not necessarily lamenting the alternate paths, just
I recently saw Past Lives and it's also a new favorite for me. It was so funny watching it in the theater with two sets 2 elderly best friends sandwiched around me and hearing their thoughts about the film as the credits rolled. I'm not sure they entirely understood some of the layers that the film contained but maybe they were at a point at their lives where those alternative selves aren't as obvious when it's reflected back at them; they couldn't understand why Nora was crying at the end of the film and why she was sorry. I had similar thoughts about what I could have been doing right now if I had made different choices, especially after my father passed away. What if I hadn't finished my last year of college? What if I hadn't moved back home after college? I think most of the time I don't really entertain the idea of my alternate selves because I hadn't thought it mattered to the present me. But maybe it does? But it's still hard for me to wrap my brain around because I'll never experience those alternate selves with the decisions I've made this far; why even think about it? The entire idea of inyeon is so interesting and almost comforting to me and I know that I'll be thinking about it forever now.