Let me reintroduce myself
✨It's been awhile!✨
Honestly, a lot has happened in the past year and ... a quarter. So, please excuse this wall of text approach to this long overdue update. Some major life things for me: I'm currently on a sabbatical from anything career-related, and I've moved in with my mom (she's moved out to the suburbs, by the way).
A number of things! Back in July, I was let go from my job during a round of layoffs. I was pissed, to say the least. But, it really was a blessing in disguise: I've been forced to take a break for the first time in over a decade. Thankfully, I have the privilege and safety of being able to live with family while I take this extended break. I've been casually applying to jobs and also have been interviewing with a few places, but the main focus for me has been finding rest. Some semblance of physical rest and a renewed focus on my goals/ambitions/passions. Don't you find that the pandemic has allowed for the collective "us" to really reassess everything that life and society has taught us to believe? How does one function with value-aligned dignity under capitalism? A constant struggle for a lot of folk, I'm sure. Part of a conclusion I've come to is that I have to find a balance between: affecting positive change, and finding joy in my day-to-day with the need to survive, and wanting to “succeed” by my own measure. But what does that entail? What does that mean for a job or a source of income? Part of it is really looking at the company & founders/leader, the values they espouse and actions they're taking; consider the role itself and will I be supported? Will I be able to do the work I set out to do? Will I be fulfilled? I know I don't have to have 100% fulfillment from my job—I take joy in having more outside of a career— but I also want to enjoy my days! I want to find the work I do to have some meaning or joy and ultimately, I want to help people. How I approach this and achieve these super broad goals are currently a work in progress—but isn’t everything?
Moving to the deep suburbs of GTA was actually separate from the job situation. I was already discussing the move with my family beforehand so that I could be a support at home. The timing of everything just ended up working out in the end. My official move happened mid-October, as I was dragging my feet getting packed and sorted while we figured out if we would rent out the condo. The idea of giving up my solitude and autonomy from living by myself weighed heavily. It really has been a very difficult adjustment being at home. A 34-year old adult child living under the same roof as her mother, after fifteen years away from home (excluding a few temporary stints that was a cumulative 18 month). Two very strong personalities, who love each other but never fully understand each other. It is an opportunity ripe for inner work, and lots of therapy. I feel no shame in this living situation, but I am wholly aware of the strain and tension this causes, and how it affects me (and my family) day-to-day. I like to joke that my being a Leo and my Virgo mom were doomed from the start, but there is some grain of truth in that. Aren’t so many mother-daughter (parent-child) relationships built to have that tension of wanting the best for each other, and wanting to protect the child from tough things, while wanting autonomy and being one’s own being, enveloped in our own ways of seeking and expressing love? We’re all complex beings, but I find that parent-child relationship a fascinating thing to navigate. We’re all just trying here.
I’m not sure how much of the old format will stick as I figure out what and how I share my life musings. I’m still watching a lot of tv, reading books, and have so many things to share! But I’m also consuming less and being more mindful of what I do, and how it fulfills me (how many times do I say ‘fulfill’ in this letter).
One fun accomplishment from 2021: I read 55 books last year, and only two were not romance books. I’ve always been romance reader (see: my archives) but having all of last year be full of a genre that I take delight and ease in? Yes. All the yes. Of course, I’ve been reading a lot of romance this year, but I’ve slowly been branching out again. I’ll likely share more thorough reviews and thoughts on my reads going forward.
Thanks for making it this far, and let me know if anything resonated or if you need a word of encouragement in your current situation. If you want a romance read recommendation, let me know what you typically read and what you’re searching for, and I’ll do my best!